letting go...

so...for now it seems like the rains have let up. i'm pondering whether i want to go to knitting today or not...i love going and try to never have an excuse to not go but i just have so much crap to get done today. yeah, i guess i'm just one of those procrastinators. wait till the absolute last minute and baam! feelings of being stressed and overwhelmed take over and i'm in overdrive. i exhaust myself that way. i guess this is even more reason why i should quit the coffeehouse. for anyone that doesn't know me (ie blogsurfers), i am a full time xray tech. i mainly am a mammographer...yes...that's right...i inflict torture on at least half a dozen women every day. (actually, i don't-i pride myself in being as gentle as possible while getting a diagnostic exam from even the most sensitive of patients...stay tuned...you might catch me bitching about patients...no names...all HIPAA laws observed here.) anyway, back to the point! i work 40+ hours per week. this does not include commute time. because brook and i carpool together...that puts us at work from 8-5 monday-friday. so, 45 hours there. commute time is on average 45minutes to an hour each way. (i know!!! now you see why we carpool!!) so, we have approximately an hour and a half to two hours each day commuting. you're looking at 55 hours a week dedicated to work and travel. yikes! and granted, i know these numbers are nothing in comparison to other people...more power to those working superduper overtime. so the coffeehouse...i've been there for coming up on four years! (chanting...four more years! four more years!) not gonna happen! for some crazy reason, i feel the need to keep working there. granted, i work every other saturday 1330-1830. but taken into the context of the amount of hours i'm putting in at the FT...that cuts into some desperately needed down time. put into perspective, i'm not working 3 days out of every 2 weeks. so, come full circle with me here folks...the 3 days i have off i want to spend doing nothing. N-O-T-H-I-N-G! no housework, no cooking, nothing that means i have to work anymore!!! so, what was once the love-of-my-life job...barista extraordinaire...has now grown to be an ugly monster that thieves five or so hours of my precious saturdays...so, sadly...i have come to the unfortunate conclusion that i must quit. and oh, i've done this before. but the pull to the espresso machine was too strong to resist. i would tell our manager..."well, let me know if anyone needs a shift covered or if i can help out whenever..." back on the payroll i'd go! i don't want to quit. i love it there. (i swear...pictures are coming...you'll see the coffeehouse, my dogs, my knits...soon enough!) but the time has come for me to let it go. ugh. i hate letting go...